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Thank you soooo much! Look forward to seeing you there!
How to Mourn Your Pet
I’ll be 36 a week from today. In my lifetime, I have lost several childhood pets. They each touched my heart in some way, but honestly, the pets I’ve had as an adult have been much harder losses than any other pet deaths I’ve suffered.
First, I lost Ontaria. She was my first “adult” dog.
Ontaria and me on the morning I took her to the vet to let her go. Her face was so grey!
I adopted her when I was 18, and was luckily enough to have her for 13 years. She was there through boyfriends, a marriage, a divorce, infertility, and most of the monumental events in my young adult life. I was heartbroken when I had to let her go.
Then came Sydney, Ontaria’s “sister”.
She died on an operating table 4 months after Ontaria and on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. She was never the same after Ontaria died, so I think she was a little heartbroken as well. They were companions for about 8 years.
I was heartsick. My bedroom was silent at night. No random jingling of dog tags, no snoring, no chewing sounds or groans as they shifted in their sleep. The lack of having my companions in the room and the complete silence kept me awake at night and there were many times I cried myself to sleep. I swore off dogs, I just didn’t think I could handle the grief again.
And then this little stinker was born and the moment I saw his face I claimed him.
I KNEW he was destined to be mine. We lost Sydney after he was born and my husband wanted to have a dog too- we also thought a pair would keep down the late night whining and crying sessions, so we added this guy to our home as well.
We named them Pip and Wyck.
We had plans for them, the brothers who would grow up together. The boys, or tinkies, as we called the pair loved to hop in the car together and go wherever we went. Hiking, to the store, to pick up their Dad from work- anywhere we went they went too.
I love how they both had dots on top of their heads.
Then it happened. Wyck became sick. The vet ignored me and my warnings that something was seriously wrong. He told me over and over that it was just an upset stomach, but I knew better. Less than 24 hours later, while his Dad was holding him, crying and pleading with him to hang on just a few hours until the vet opened, Wyck raised his head, looked right at me, vomited blood everywhere and died. His death has been very hard for me and my husband. We STILL miss him, however, we’ve been moving forward by following some small steps.
1. Letting go of our guilt
Could we have spent more money, could I have yelled and screamed and stomped my foot until the vet paid attention to me? Could I have taken him somewhere else? Why did I take him to the same vet where Sydney died on the operating table? Oh, yes, I blamed myself for a long time, but I have let most of it go. None of it matters NOW, so I try not to dwell.
2. Regularly looking at photos and reminiscing
While it may seem like a bad idea, we’ve moved forward enough in our grief to laugh about the silly things in the time we did have together, rather than dwelling on the last few hours of his life.
3. Remembering that Pets are a gift you borrow for their lifetime, not yours
With the exception of certain breeds of birds, the odds of your pet out living you are not good. We had to remind ourselves that the moment we let them into our hearts, they were on borrowed time. We always knew we would bury our “kids” and not the reverse. It’s a price you pay for getting their lifetime of unconditional love. It’s a reminder that nothing is forever, and to love as much, as deeply and fiercely as you can.
4. Telling yourself it’s okay to grieve
Many people do not understand pet loss. Every time I have lost a pet as an adult, I stayed home from work and cried. I cried until my nose was snotty, my eyes were red and swollen, and I was emotionally drained. My pets ARE my kids. They sleep with me, we play together, they are happy to see me everyday and vice versa. It doesn’t matter if someone else understands, it doesn’t matter if someone else thinks you’re “being silly” because it’s just a “pet”. You need to mourn, so take the time to do it.
5. Learn to love again
Oh, that part is hard. It’s hard to open your heart and let some furry, feathered or scaled critter back into your life, but it’s rewarding. You never forget the others, but the new ones give you more memories, more laughter and more love. All you have to do is open up and give it back.
Have you lost a pet? Tell me how you made it through your grief!
Working Women- Balancing Work and Home
Each morning I get up and stare at my iPhone while my alarm is going off. I’ve written an unpleasant alarm message to try to encourage me to get out of bed in the morning, but I won’t lie, I LOVE the snooze button. Once I am out of bed (I am SOOOO not a morning person) I stumble into the bathroom, handle my business and hop in the shower. Once I am out of the shower it’s the usual morning drill, try to tame the curls, if I am feeling froggy I’ll slap on some make up, although most days I avoid it because it simply dissolves in the heat. I get dressed, grab my lunch, my purse, my Big Bubba mug of tea, a glass of iced coffee and hop into the car.
Then, I begin the 30 minute commute to work. I usually chat with my friend Tammy while I am driving for a daily catch up- it helps pass the time and somewhat keeps me from road rage, plus she’s awesome. I get to work, plunk myself in my chair, clock in and start a full working day. I’m an insurance agent, so I spend a lot of time talking with people and generally staying pretty busy. Lunch from 12-1 finish up at 5. Then I start the 30 minute drive home again.
I usually spend my drive home listening to a podcast, Dave Ramsey or Content Warfare, which is a GEM of a podcast if you are working on branding and marketing a blog. Seriously, listen to it. Then I get home and my husband usually has dinner ready, he is off earlier in the day than I am, and we eat and catch up on the day. Then it’s house cleaning time/chores , blogging time, brainstorming, playing with the pets, keeping our finances in line, grocery shopping and the multitude of other things I need to get accomplished in a day…just to start over and do it all again the next day.
I’ve discovered why a lot of blogs simply don’t resonate with me. Here it comes…ready?
I can’t relate to Stay at Home Moms and their poo problems, and a Stay at Home Mom doesn’t really understand why I come home sweating and ticked off because the AC is out in my car after a 30 minute commute in 98 degree weather. (Frugal living for the win!!!) I can’t relate to a toddler who suddenly doesn’t want to take a nap, is teething, dumping Cheerios when your back is turned or anything else that would give me an OCD chronic eye twitch, and a SAHM can’t relate to me trying to figure out every single day how I can accomplish the most productive tasks for my home in the 4 hours I have left between arriving home and before I have to go to bed again.
It’s certainly not to say that I don’t respect and admire SAHMs or that I think either one of us have it better or worse than the other. It’s just that we’re different and unfortunately, I feel like there is a BIG gap in blogging land between women who work outside of the home for a career and women who work inside of the home for a career.
I want to see more women who work outside of the home speak up and say “THIS is how “I” manage This is how we do it. This is why I am a STAR in my house! This is the answer!”
I’m hoping that I can help with that answer here and I am beyond excited to add the new section, Working Women, to this blog! I have also added 2 new group boards to my Pinterest page, 20 Minutes or Less Prep Time Cooking and Working Women. If you would like to contribute to those boards, please follow the instructions on Pinterest!
Are you a woman who works outside of the home? What is your biggest time-saving tip for keeping your house in order? TELL ME!!!
Are you a Stay At Home Mom? What is YOUR day like? TELL ME!
The Dave Ramsey Tribe: Stop Being Bullies!!!
If you have visited a blog on finance lately, you will easily see that Dave Ramsey has a ton of fans! Many bloggers follow Dave’s financial principles and love them. I am a Dave Ramsey fan. I think Dave has some solid advice for everyone and generally gives people the momentum to start a change in their lives…
BUT…
Dave Ramsey’s followers, also known as the “tribe” can be a whole different story. Of course many of the followers are open, honest, loving people who are genuinely non-judgemental and love to offer his tips as advice. Like any group, Dave’s followers includes various personalities, and there are certainly a few who use the internet to bully, harass and intimidate. Here are a few thoughts on the bad tribe.
1. Credit Cards are Evil
Reality check. Not everyone thinks this is a true statement. There are plenty of people in the world who can responsibly use credit. Owning a credit card does not make you evil, stupid, or irresponsible. How you chose to use it can make you unwise or irresponsible. Make sure you know the difference.
2. Dave Ramsey is NOT the only popular financial advisor on the planet.
I have heard the words out of Dave’s own mouth that Suze Orman was more popular than he was when Dave first interviewed with Oprah. Suze and Dave have completely different financial styles and teaching methods. Does it mean one or the other is wrong? NO! It means that different people live different ways! It also means that neither Dave or Suze are perfect for everyone!
3. People are not “Stupid” or “Dumb” for chosing to have debt.
Using myself as an example, I was taught absolute financial basics before being turned loose in the world. No one explained compound interest, credit card interest rates, credit scores, or anything other than to put money in savings when I could and how to balance a checkbook. How many other people in the world do you think have been turned loose without the skills I have only acquired through trial, error, and my own quest for knowledge? Someone may make a decision that you feel is unwise, and it might actually be an unwise decision, but it’s not up to the tribe to degrade someone who might actually be in the midst of a life change and learning to figure it all out. Use your hands to lift up, not push down.
4. If someone is asking for advice, they are not always asking for Dave’s advice.
If there is one thing I would say Dave Ramsey is notorious for doing on his show it’s this: He’s given two options A & B for what the caller thinks are the best resolutions to their problem, and Dave always manages to come up with a C that doesn’t involve debt. Well, people are calling into his show and asking HIS advice, so I think it’s safe to say the odds are, Dave is ALWAYS going to say to not accept debt. If you’re on a Dave Ramsey forum, that’s one thing, but people who are not on Dave specific forums should not be chastised for not following Dave. I’ve seen it over and over!
“Hey, My husband and I talked and our options are A) Finance a new car or B) Finance a used car. Which would you do?” It NEVER fails that someone comes along and says C) Save up and pay cash. I’m certainly not saying it’s bad advice to go with C. I am saying that the poster didn’t think C was an option so they didn’t offer it for a reason. Again, not everyone follows Dave.
5. Last, and most important- If you MUST give Dave’s advice and feel like it’s your only advice, say it once and LET IT GO.
To me, there is nothing more annoying and more of a turn off than someone who cannot accept no for an answer. Using the example in #4, if I were to see your answer of “C”, I would say thank you, however A and B are our only options, so please help me with those. If you continued to say C at me and all the different ways I am going to make C work by doing exactly what you say, and then you have the nerve to get snarky when I again say A OR B are our options, let’s just say the odds are, I wouldn’t be nice, you wouldn’t win any respect from me, and your attempts to bully me to live YOUR way would likely end up getting you blocked. You need to love on people, be a teacher or stay quiet.
Are you afraid to ask for help online because of financial bullies? Tell me about your experience with a bully!
I’m being a blogger slacker. But WAIT!!!!! There is a GOOD reason!
Ahhh, my few, yet faithful readers. I have been a total slacker lately when it comes to posting. My name isn’t Lucy, but I feel like I have some explaining to do.
My amazing brother and sister-in-law are building a home. Their current home finally sold…2 months shy of completion of their new home. So, as of tomorrow, we have roomies. I am perfectly happy and excited to have them here. It does mean that there will be 4 adults, 4 dogs, a cat, a kitten and an African Grey Parrott in my home, but hey, the more the merrier right? My husband and I have been joking around and taking bets on how long it will take the bird to learn to say “Damn it Nox (the kitten), GET DOWN” as he has taken to parking his tiny furry hiney in the middle of my kitchen table and in this house, that is unacceptable kitty behavior. No tables, no counters. Anything else is ok!
Anyway, my work horse of a sister-in-law has been in and out bringing my house back up to non embarrassing standards because, quite frankly, she didn’t want to live in the mess. I don’t blame her. Needless to say, the Get Off Your Booty and Clean Challenge has not been neglected, it has just been so far exceeded, it’s not really fair to post what was accomplished because it certainly wasn’t done in 20 minutes. My bedroom and closet still need some work though, well, even more work now that my bedroom has once again become the dumping ground for all the stray junk in the house.
Needless to say, it’s busy around this place. I have a lot on my plate right now, and I really want to do a great job here, so I’ve been slacking. However, there is a big bright side to all of this, well several actually:
1. My house is actually presentable again. I wouldn’t be mortified if one of you knocked on my door and wanted to come in.
2. My lack of writing lately has led me to some major conclusions on the direction I want to take this blog. I am officially going to be self hosted beginning in July. Well, earlier, but I need to pull it together first.
You might be wondering what that means. It means I will have a lot more freedom when it comes to the design and layout of the blog. You might see huge changes, you might not. SURPRISE! 😀 It also means I will keep some topics and add a few new ones. I HAVE to share, that I am very excited to launch a section on the blog for women who work outside of the home including a few group Pinterest boards so we can all help each other out!
Ok, everything else, I am keeping secret until the big “relaunch”. The blog will still be here, but there will come a time in the near future when it looks wonky while I get it all set up again. I ask for your patience.
Last, if you want to make sure you do NOT miss the relaunch and you don’t want to miss all of the new content, please grab your mouse right now, scroll to the right side of the screen and click to follow me on Facebook!
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