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Underwear Moments…

You know how sometimes you forget how much you enjoy the freedom to do certain things until those things are taken away?

Well, I have my roomie now, and that is all going awesome.  She totally spoils me.  She’s on disability because of the breast cancer and subsequent surgeries, so she is home all day.  I walk in and dinner is on the table…it rocks.  The dogs get let out while I am away from work.  She keeps the kitchen pretty damn clean, and every night we have ice cream…lord only know how I haven’t gained 10k lbs…especially since it is chocolate ice cream with Reeses magic shell…

But there is one thing I miss.  The one thing I never thought I would say I missed.  That is underwear time.  You know, that time of the day when you know no one else is around and you can roll out of bed in whatever clothed form you went to bed and walk around without having to worry a damn thing about it?  Oh how I miss that.  I need to get rid of these guys soon and have some serious panty time.  I want to be able to partially streak from my bedroom to the dryer and grab the clothes I want for the day right out of the dryer instead of doing some Mission Impossible trot around my house looking for a way to sneak the clothes into my room that I forgot the night before!

On a bright note, even though I suck and haven’t been around a lot lately, I have a lot of stuff to post about and catch up with you guys on.  Especially a new video I made.  I am calling it…. “Attacking the Blair Witch Birdie”.  I’ll try to get it up for you tomorrow!

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The joys of using a public bathroom!

I have recently been reminded again how uncomfortable is it for everyone involved to have to use a public restroom.  My new office has over 200 employees.  Granted there are men working there, but I am going to guess that we women far outnumber the men.  There is one bathroom on our floor with four stalls in it.  It is absolutely hilarious to get in there and pay attention to what happens once someone enters the bathroom.  Here is a list:

The awkward “OH SHIT I ALMOST WALKED IN ON YOU” moment.  The person who does it is embarrassed, and of course the person who was almost walked in on suddenly has pissing stage fright.

The inevitable cough to cover the fart.  Why are women so ashamed to fart?  When you have gas you fart.  It happens.  Just fart for crying out loud.  Rip it out, OWN THAT BITCH, and be proud of it!

There is also the person who was in the bathroom before you…this person annoys me the most because you know they are pooping.  How?  Because they cough to cover the fart and no other noise comes out of their stall!  When I work with you, I don’t want to know you have pooped.  Poop at home or don’t come out until I am gone.  I might snicker and call you the Fiber Queeen behind your back.

Work poopers also inevitably cause peeing stage fright.  There you are both sitting there in silence, knowing that the pooper is squeezing the cheeks, while the pee person has stage fright.  So annoying.

Then there is the period woman.  Is there a reason why women in the bathroom have to sound like they are opening the biggest package on the damn planet?  It’s either a pad or a tampon.  It fits over/in your girly bits.  It cannot be so freaking big that is takes you ten damn minutes to open it.  Please keep your sanitary product noise down.  Cover it with a Poop cough, at least then I will be confused.

Last but certainly not least is the disappearing pooper.  Oh how I hate you.  You are the person who poops the most god awful, foul, rank smell on the planet, and you LEAVE the bathroom while I have peeing stage fright.  You are the person who makes me gag, and then runs away like a poop ninja.  You are the person who makes the next person who walks in loudly exclaim GOOD GOD.  Then the new person stares at me like “lady lay off the cabbage”.  I hate you for that.


28 Comments

The Birthday Silliness

So here it is…the dreaded photos that my roomie is already griping at me about.  She’s such a dork.  Like I would EVER post bad photos of her….Missy however…yeah, she’s screwed in this post….. *cackles manically*

The cast of characters…

BirthdayTim

Tim

BirthdayTammy

Tammy

BirthdayJason

Jason who is not as good at hiding from the camera as he thinks…

BirthdayMOM

Birthday Stuart

Mom and Stuart.  See how people start to look like each other when they are together awhile?

Birthday Missy

Missy.  This is for all the raises you should have gotten me through the years…HA HA HA HA HA!!


I really did have a damn awesome 30th b-day party.  As much as I hate to admit it, I am glad I was forced into having people over.  The evening started with the family stuff, pie, and gifts.  What?  You don’t have b-day pie?  Well, I do, it rocks, and no you can’t have any.  It’s mine.  Literally, my Mom makes one for me and one for everyone else.  OK OK OK I shared MY birthday pie with Tammy, but don’t tell anyone else, because next year that crap is off limits.

30th b-day 051

Then we were off for present opening etc.!  OK, I got some kick ass awesome stuff for my b-day.  Mom and Stuart gave me an awesome fairy for my fairy collection as well as a new chain that I can wear with a necklace I received for Christmas.  Tammy gave me a new hair dryer and cooked an amazing dinner that night.  She also spoiled me by cleaning like a fiend before the company came over, and making me breakfast!  <3.  Tim and Kara gave me an awesome gift bag of Redken stuff for my hair, my new favorite color of nail polish from OPI, a crystal nail file (ladies these things are soooo worth it), and a new brush to use for my sleek new do!  Missy….Missy gave me a key chain fart noise maker.  So wrong on so many levels…


After the family went home the girls and I really got down to partying…. *cough*

We decided to break in the drinking by playing rummi and keeping score. In the meantime I decided on a birthday appropriate punishment for the loser of the game.  Well, there were two punishments actually.  If you had the lowest hand each round of Rummi, you had to put a smiley face sticker on your face.  If you lost the whole game, you had to take the ugly ass frog of d00m to work and put it on your desk.  Yes, that is real life Southerlass handwriting in the background there ladies and gents! (and I just checked it for math errors before I posted this XD)

30th b-day 066

I had to keep the damn frog.  No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get rid of it.  Oh, and this is what we looked like when it was all said and done…

Birthdaydorkiness

Here is some live action card playing and trash talking for you…

Missy and Tammy were already buzzed….bunch of lushes!

As the night went on, we pretty much all got a good solid buzz, and went out to the front porch to smoke.  Sometime during the wee hours of the morning Missy found a cowboy hat in Tammy’s closet, so we had a mini pass the hat around photo shoot.  This is Arkansas partying at it’s best… ><

birthdaydrunkskunk

Birthday Yeeee hawwwwwwww

Birthday Yeee Hawwww

We wrapped it all up about 5 am the next day.  Oh yeah, there were tons of other things that went on, but what happens at Southernlass’s house….STAYS at Southernlass’s house….except what I post on Xanga!

*muah*


43 Comments

Things I have learned from 20 to the big three – oh!

Today is the day.  I am officially 30.  I thought I would be pretty messed up about it, but in all honesty, I think I prepared myself for it quite well.  So it’s here, I slept late YAY for that, and later today the family and friends will be coming over for a visit and birthday party.  By damn there is going to be a nerdy girls night to be reckoned with tonight.  I wonder if I can force someone to give me a pedicure since it is my birthday!  MUAHWAAAHAAA.

I’ve been thinking a lot of the last days days of things I learned between 20 and 30 years of age.  I thought I would share a few of those things.

20 is a dumb birthday.  You can’t drink yet, and nothing of major importance happens except you are no longer a teenager.  However, you should enjoy it anyway!

21 is a stupid birthday.  However, being able to go into a casino and have someone bring you free drinks while you shake your fist in anger at a slot machine is kind of fun.  It’s more fun when you go back another time and actually win some money.

22-25 you will be tempted to get married and start popping out kids.  Take your time with that and finish off some of the other life goals you have.  It’s harder to go back to college as you get older.  Finish your goals off while you are younger and those all nighters don’t hurt quite so bad.

Don’t spend one second of your time worrying about what ANYONE else thinks of you.  The only person you have to answer to is yourself, and as long as you are doing what is right for you, everyone else can take a flying leap.

Appreciate the mistakes you made at a young age and learn from them.  They happened for a reason.  Don’t insult yourself by forgetting those mistakes and repeating them over and over.

Getting drunk a time or two is kind of fun.  Do it while you’re young because hangovers last a lot longer when you are older, and stuff hurts a lot longer.

Be responsible with money.  Nothing will cause more heartache in your life more than money problems.  You can have everything your heart desires than can be purchased with money, but if you have to work all the time, you’ll never get the chance to enjoy them.

Appreciate nature.  It was a gift, and taking 20 minutes out of your day to watch a bird, squirrel, or a butterfly floating by are worth it.

Laugh until your cheeks hurt and you are squeezing your stomach with your arms.  Joy is one of the best things we can ever have.

Leave your work at your job unless it is something you love.  Bringing home bad vibes from the office do nothing but keep you up at night and miserable.  Work to live, don’t live to work.  I certainly wouldn’t want my tombstone to read “Worked and forgot to live”

Find something, anything, that makes you passionate about it and never let anyone take it from you.  One hobby, one simple joy that is only yours will get you through a lot of things.  If you get bored with it, try something you have never done before.

Read.  Read a lot.  There is nothing that will spark your mind or teach you more in life other than reading.  You gain new knowledge and will possibly find something else to spark your life.

Take some time every single day for yourself.  No matter who or what else is going on in your life, everyone needs a little me time.  If the people in your life won’t give it to you, demand it of them.

Watching Comedy Central is a good way to get rid of stress.

Learning how to really cook will make you a better person, but learn it for yourself.  If someone else enjoys the fact that you can cook great, but let it be for you.

Do not let fear control your life.  Only you can decide if you need to take a risk or not and only you hold yourself back.  Sometimes the risks are worth it.

Remember to spend time with those you love.  One day they will be gone, and your heart will miss them.

Animals can be so funny, take the time to appreciate them.  They do great things for us in our times of need.

Remember that living is more important than a clean house.

Smiling at someone doesn’t hurt them or you and you might just make someone’s day with just that simple hello.

Love is all around us in many different ways.  Appreciate the love you receive and freely give the love you have to share.

 


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Someone stuck a Ninja school in this Pirate lovin’ home…

After the 4th of July celebration settled down, I felt an eerie kind of quiet in the house.  I was concerned about the disturbance in the force, so I came out of my room to check on it.  This is what I found…

The secret Academy for Ninjas was interviewing new applicants in my kitchen.

Cat Play 016

The masters shown above were seriously considered adding a new member to the ninja academy.

Cat Play 001

Paris stated her intentions to become the best ninja ever, and gave them a convincing look, but the ninja master was not impressed, and turned his back on her.

notimpressed

However, she wanted to prove her worth and suddenly attacked a nearby enemy in order to impress him.

Attack

The ninja master, Chad, decided to give her a few lessons in the ninja arts.  The first lesson was how to move quickly, with only a small chance to be seen.  (I was lucky to capture this move.)

Ninjatrick

Paris, intensely watched during her lesson with high hopes of becoming the best ninja ever.  She tried the move, and used the surroundings to help, but fails.

Attention

Chad the ninja master gives her a solid lecture.

lecture

He then shows her the next move, attacking an enemy with great speed.  Paris sits by in awe of his abilities.

Ninjatrick2

“But but, I can do this!  I don’t NEED to be stealthy!!!” She tells him.

Attack

He shakes his head at her and says “Unless you can master the move of the weasel, you will never be a ninja!”  Then in a flurry of movements, he suddenly becomes an invisible weasel.  (I used my super secret camera lens to capture the weasel in form)

Invisible

NOt good enough

Paris Prays

Prayer

And concentrates so hard to become one with the weasel!!!  (She should have called Pauly Shore)

Weasel Attempt

But alas it is not good enough.

Master Chad pats her on the head, and sends Paris back to her modeling job.

Kitty 010

Master Chad is sad over the loss of a new recruit and cries real ninja tears…

Ninja Tears