20 years ago

I was reading The Pioneer Woman today, as I usually try to keep up with her blog.  She asked recently what your hopes and dreams were 20 years ago.

Well, I sat around thinking about that and given that I am 30, that would have put me at 10 years old.  I am pretty sure that at 10 years of age, I wanted to be a veterinarian.  I wanted to get married, have children, and live the “normal” life.  I wanted to do well in school and I tried my best to excel in everything I did.

Did I meet the hopes and dreams of a 10 year old?  Not at all.  I never thought that at 30 I would be completely starting my life over.  A life that was supposed to already be set in stone, and living the American dream.  20 years ago, I didn’t think I would be finalizing my divorce tomorrow, or that the possibility of ever having any children was slim.  I didn’t think I would be a month into a new job, or that I would have a roomie (although I love her being here).  I thought my best friend from childhood would always be my best friend, and that I would see her again after my wedding day…but I haven’t.

What I have done instead was learned a million things about life.  I have learned that when you don’t send your college loan papers back in time, they don’t let you come back.  I have learned that marriage can be a great thing, and it can also be the thing that changes you in every fashion, some good, some bad.  I’ve learned that laughter is something I need in my life moreso that playing with cute puppies all day.  I’ve learned that friends come and go, but while they are in your life, you love them to the fullest, and only by truly giving your heart away to someone else can you really experience life.

I’ve learned that the only people who have a spotless house are the people who spend all of their time cleaning their house.  I’ve learned that crying at a movie is just as fulfilling to your emotions as laughing.  I’ve learned compassion, and sincerity do not come naturally to everyone, and that some people have to work really hard at those things.

I’ve learned that people within my own life will never live their lives the same way I do, and that judging them will not change them in my eyes.  I have learned that being judged can change me, and that there are times it is a good thing, and there are times when the people who judge you are hindering your life and it is better to let them go than suffer what they can do to you.

Most of all, I have learned that only I can do what is best for me.  Other people can give advice, try to help, or hinder you, but it is up to me to make myself happy with who I am.  At the end of the day, when I go to sleep at night, I think I am a much happier person than the 10 year old me ever thought I could be.  I’m satisfied with that.


Where did you think you would be 20 years ago?  Are you happy with where you are now?