It might just be me, but I really feel like lately Facebook has become a trendy place to bash husbands. I say husbands because I have yet to see a man who is currently married who has gone on Facebook and talked about his wife in a disrespectful manner. NOT ONCE. I have seen men on the brink of divorce say negative things about their soon to be exes, but not while they are living under the same roof. Yet, for some reason women are notorious for this. I have seen it over and over on Facebook. A husband upsets his wife over something and she writes a blurb on Facebook about it and announces to the whole world what jerk, moron, idiot, or *insert random name* he is to the world.
Ladies, this is a horrible thing to do to your spouse and here are the reasons why:
1. It’s embarrassing
I’m going to let you in on a little secret about men. Men are generally very private creatures. They don’t like their business to be broadcast to everyone and they certainly don’t want anyone to know when they have failed you. When you’re angry with them, they feel like they have failed, even if they are mad as well. Men want to be proud of themselves and they rely on their wives to lift them up. When you go to Facebook and publicly berate them, you are not only humiliating them, you’re ruining their trust in you.
2. It’s disrespectful
I think as women we want compassion, so when our husbands make us angry we tend to vent to other women in order to have someone understand our feelings. Truthfully, I use a few well trusted friends as sounding boards. Sometimes when you’re in a relationship for a long time the little things add up and you need someone to tell you that yes, you are just being a grumpy cow and blowing something out of proportion. However, how mortified would YOU be if you logged on to Facebook and saw that your husband posted a photo of your dirty underwear in the floor or called you the dreaded “B” word to all of his friends, family and likely co-workers? How hurt and betrayed would you feel if you saw the worst of your private life broadcast on the internet?
3. You’re inviting public opinion into your relationship
When you broadcast your anger on the internet, you are inviting everyone on your Facebook page to comment on your relationship. Your Facebook is likely full of your friends, co-workers, family members and if you’re on a public forum, total strangers. You’re inviting gossip about your most personal and private marital issues for ANYONE, and not just your subscribers! Not only are you inviting opinion into your life, you’re inviting the opportunity for people to interfere.
I recently saw a women bash her husband on a very public forum. She was called out on it several times, and her defense was “he knows I’m pissed and I am venting”. But, what if he didn’t? If I was a particularly mean person, I could have taken a screenshot, clicked her name, found her husband and send him a copy of her message. A tiny bit of research would have given me all of the ammo I needed to harass her and make her life difficult. Lucky for her, I am not the kind of person who would do that, but other people out there are!
4. It makes other people around you uncomfortable
I’m going to be blunt here. Not everyone on my Facebook is a close friend. You might be a good enough acquaintance that I would want to know if something particularly drastic happened to you or I would want to see something funny your children did or even look at photos from your awesome vacation. But, at the end of the day it’s pretty uncomfortable to me to see someone is fighting with their husband and I may not have seen that person since high school. It’s not that I don’t care, but I don’t know your husband, I don’t know the full set of circumstances, and it’s uncomfortable to have a glimpse into your very personal and private life.
5. It makes you look like the jerk
Yes, you read that right. When you publicly shame your husband, either online or out in the real world, you look like the school yard bully. You look like the one who doesn’t care what other people think about your shrew like ways. Online, you’ve just told his family, your family, his friends, your friends, his co-workers and yours that you can’t act like an adult and handle your private life in a private manner. It’s immature and attention seeking.
I think before women post these kind of issues online, we should step back and really think about how it would make us feel if it happened to us. If you wouldn’t want your husband airing your dirty laundry to the world why would you do it to him? Go for a walk, hit the treadmill, or vigorously scrub your home. Find another way to deal with your anger and make Facebook a happier place for us all.