10 Reasons Being Married to a Scottish Man is Weird

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1.  He sounds like a cross between a Scottish person and a Canadian, well sometimes.

My husband is from the Northern part of Scotland.  He loves to demonstrate his accent by saying the following phrase:

There’s a moose loose aboot the hoose. (Yes, say it like it’s written.) The translation:

There’s a mouse loose in the house.

2. You can’t understand him after he has been on the phone with one of his parents

In Scotland I plainly recall sitting in a room full of people chattering away about bairns, puddings, and being quizzed about my surname from his Dad.  Who, incidentally, roared out “SHE’S ENGLISH!!!” when I told him my last name was Archer.    However, more than anything I remember sitting in a room of Scots and trying to work my way through their slang and hearing the word AYE AYE AYE popping up like the seagulls yelled MINE MINE MINE in Finding Nemo.  In fact, I’m pretty sure AYE was just about the only word I understood my whole trip.  Ok, I’m exaggerating.  Mostly.  However, when he gets off of the phone with one of his parents, he instantly reverts to the fast talking Scottish slang dude.

3. People eavesdrop on our conversations in restaurants because of his accent

RUDE!  I know we live in small town Arkansas, but seriously, have you never seen Braveheart?  Can I please eat my dinner without you and your dining partner staring at me through our whole meal?  You’re more likely to understand me trying to wipe away whatever it is I dropped on my boobs than what he’s saying anyway, so STOP STARING!  Unless you’re staring at my boobs, then we’re cool.

4. You cannot grocery shop without someone stopping him and asking him about his accent

My primary goal when shopping is to get in and out as fast as humanly possible.  I hate grocery shopping.  I really hate it even more when the AWESOME Southern hospitality, nosiness, and Bless Your Heart time happens when I am in Kroger.  Please, for the love of what little sanity I have left, stop pretending like the dang grocery store is the set of the Dating Game.  You don’t get to ask him 10 questions, I just need some milk and bread!

5. You’re willing to pay INSANE prices for something in the International aisle of the grocery store, just so he can have a taste of home

Custard mixes, drinks, digestive biscuits, treacle pudding and candy.  I’m not even going to tell you what these cost, let’s just say they’re a treat when they happen and THANK GOD for his mother who sends him care packages pretty often!

6.  You never have to worry about your in-laws dropping in

Speaking of in-laws.  Do you have any idea how weird it is to have your in-laws living 3,000 miles away?  Seriously, it’s weird.  There is an OCEAN in between us.

7. Healthcare and gas prices

Scotland has universal healthcare and he paid next to nothing for medical care in Scotland.  Any time we get a medical bill the tirade begins!  I am also constantly reminded that the gas prices in Scotland are only raised once a year and “Why he can’t understand the way we change gas prices so much.”  I’m just going to say with the gas prices in Scotland currently at an estimated $9.42 a gallon, I am happy to dealing with a $.05-$.10 change in gas prices here.

8.  Chocolate and Sausage

Scottish chocolate is just better and apparently we Americans are “too daft” to know the difference.  Apparently, sausage is on the mandatory eating list in Scotland as well, our sausage is just full of nasty sage, and he can’t wait to go to Scotland and have a “proper” sausage.  Can I point out the obvious here?  Sau SAGE…who’s daft now?

9.  When you go to Scotland people stop and stare at you for your accent

Southern Scotland, near Edinburgh (pronounced Ed-in-Brrrrahhhh, not Ed-in BURG you silly Americans) has a completely different accent than my husbands.  I actually had a back and forth semi-silly argument with a cabbie about a train station called:

Grahamston Station

Translated to Scottish:  Greeeeeeeeeemston Station

Oddly enough, on my way back home, I was followed around by an English mother and son on the train back to Manchester, England who happened to ask me if I knew if our train was the correct one.  When I answered “I really hope so!” they FLIPPED out because I am American.  For the record, no one in Scotland knows where Arkansas is, but if you tell them it’s next to Texas they will have a general idea.  Ha!  They sat near me on the train, but not close enough to talk, but I kept catching them staring at me any time I talked  the whole way back to the airport.  It was WEIRD.  They also told me I sound nothing like people in the movies…lol!  I told them to watch Sweet Home Alabama and see if that sounded more like me.

10.  Kilts and Sporrans

A Sporran is not a “man purse”.  Apparently, this is not funny at all.

However, when someone asks “What’s worn under a kilt?” my husband thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to say “Nothing, everything is in perfect working order.”

Rob in his gear

 

P.S. Most of this is just me teasing my husband.  It’s AWESOME being married to a Scottish man.

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Author: Jill Stewart

I am a 37 -year-old woman from Arkansas who is happily married to a Scottish immigrant aka “the hubby” “the hubs” or if I am calling him directly “YO YOU!” We’ve been married for 3 years and it’s been a crazy ride, and unfortunately our finances have been beat to death in the last few years. We have two dogs and a cat, no kids. The Blog- What’ll you find: Financial Information as we try to become debt free My attempts at working and trying to maintain a home to the standards I like My adventures in learning how to sew Arts and craft projects Funny tidbits from my life including living with a Scottish person, the dogs, and other oddball things that happen to me. What you won’t find: Much on children. I don’t have kids and I can’t have kids. Recipes- I don’t mind cooking, but unless it’s something really special, don’t come here looking for the weekly recipe! You won’t find it- unless you ask my husband. If you’re interested in what you see, please follow me on Facebook or sign up for emails! Most of all, leave a comment or ask a question! I am always happy to hear from you!

9 thoughts on “10 Reasons Being Married to a Scottish Man is Weird

  1. I agree. Your hubby is pretty cool. I miss listening to him and Matt yell back and forth, while drunk, on mumble. Some of the funniest conversations ever.

  2. Thank you for the laugh! 😀 As an American, living in England… I completely “get” this. People staring at me for my American accent and you should have told the people on the train they sound nothing like British accents on movies either. 😀 While visiting Scotland, I could not make myself respond back “Hiya” to their “Hiya”… and when I responded back “hi” or “hello” the whole time I was hoping they didn’t think I was being rude… I suppose it’s like responding back “cheers”… it takes a bit getting use to… Cheers! 😀

    • No, they very likely didn’t think you were rude at all. I also noticed Scottish people are generally very polite, a lot like here in the South.

      Did you also notice the difference when you crossed the border from England to Scotland? You go from “love” to “lass”. It cracked me up.

      • Yes, overall the people who live in the UK are very polite especially compared to us U.S. northerners. LOL. I will definitely miss this when we move back to the U.S. I didn’t notice the “love” to “lass”, but our last trip was our first to northern Scotland and there is a definite difference between southern (Edinburgh, Stirling, Glasgow) Scotland and the Highlands…. accents, phrases, and such. I really do LOVE Scotland! 😀

  3. *oh, the chocolate is so delicious, seriously to die for here!!! The sausage is disgusting though… as in a texture of mush inside (because of the bread added) a undoubtedly intestine casing and bland taste to boot, I can not seem to choke down. LOL.

    • I’ve had their chocolate…it’s ok. My biggest problem with food there was the Beef. It was NASTY. If I lived there, I would never be able to eat it. It still gags me just thinking about it. They age it different though.

      • REALLY??? That’s funny about the beef. One of my husband’s co-workers says the same thing. I LOVE the beef here. (We do only buy ground beef because it is so expensive). Next to no fat/grease and it tastes fresh. Both my husband and I grew up on a farm and were raised eating our beef from the farm in the U.S. so it is very similar. A lot less hormones/antibiotics/additives. Same goes for the chocolate, they use real dairy products instead of the man-made chemicals the U.S. makes it with. LOL.

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