I started this updated version of this blog in January of this year. I’ve said before, I blogged some time ago on Xanga, and my life at the time was just not in a good enough place for me to continue blogging. I was in a rut. I hated my job, I was fed up with waiting on my (then) fiance to move here from Scotland and the very costly and time-consuming process for immigration.
It is time to change some things this year. It is time to really work on getting my stuff together and stop making excuses, especially those involving people no longer in my life, and move forward into the person I want to be. While it wasn’t a New Year resolution per se, I set myself some goals to make some changes. I’ve made
some one of them with relative ease, working on our finances. If I’m being totally honest, that change was due more to force and my husband losing his job more than a 100% heartfelt desire to get it done. There is still room for improvement, but I am trying not to work myself up over it too much.
The rest of the goals are:
Learning to sew
Getting my house clean and keeping it that way
Losing weight and keeping it off
Empowering myself and getting some solid self-confidence back
Getting out a bit more
So far, I have started learning how to sew. It’s certainly an exercise in patience for me, but I REALLY want to do it. BAD. I also really want to get a certain project finished that I have hinted about here. The sad thing is, I probably only have an hour or two worth of work left on it. OK. I’m getting it finished this week.
Getting my house clean is a never-ending battle. I could make 50 million excuses for it, but in truth there are 2 reasons why I struggle with getting my house clean.
1. I’m very overweight. As someone who was an athlete in her youth, it’s frustrating not to be able to have a 4-5 hour cleaning marathon like I used to be able to do. Most of all, I deal with a crap ton of pain due to an old back sprain. I simply cannot lift 5 loads of laundry in a day…well, not in a decent time frame. I can’t sweep the whole house and mop the floors in an hour anymore, and it’s frustrating. I either have to spread things out all day long to get them completed or do what I can and say, well, tomorrow is a new day.
2. Any work I do is constantly undone. It’s insane. We don’t have kids. People rarely come over to our home, so my husband and I have no one else to blame. For me, spending an hour or two in complete agony and having it all undone 2 days later has literally left me in tears. I’m frustrated and fed up. I don’t know how to stop it. Worse than that, when I get annoyed I just stop fighting the battle and everything gets unmanageable.
The weight loss battle is equally frustrating. I do have PCOS so, that IS part of it. I have tried everything out there. Weight Watchers more than once, the 50 Million Lb Challenge, versions of Atkins…you name it. If I stray from the “diet” at all, anything I have lost comes right back. I ‘ve found the D.A.S.H. plan, and I think this change in our eating habits and mentality are going to be good both for me, and my husband, who is a full-blown diabetic. It’s related to salt intake and trying to make yourself more heart healthy. This is a good thing for both my husband and me because PCOS and Diabetes can cause heart issues.
Empowerment and self-confidence I think will come with exercise and losing weight. Right now, I truly struggle with going out in public. It’s an awful mentality to have, but I wonder if people are looking at me as the fat chick in the store. I wonder if they look in my grocery cart and pick out the few items that are not 100% healthy and judge me based on what they see. (Let me tell you, I did read another post from a blogger who mentioned she has behaved that way in a store. It made me sick to have that suspicion confirmed.) I wonder if they think I am eating 6 burgers in my car and going home to have dinner. I’m NOT for the record, in fact, my husband who weighs in at a whopping 156 pounds eats twice what I eat. On a bright note, I know that if I start using my recumbent exercise bike and my Kinect exercise games again I will get back into good enough shape to do some hiking this spring, which is something my husband, I, AND the doggies love! I don’t mind being the fat chick on the hiking trail! At least they know I’m getting exercise then! HA! We also always end them with nice picnics, so it’s something we enjoy. Arkansas has a TON of State Parks, so there is no lack of hiking around here.
I think getting out a bit more will happen with confidence. I am naturally an introvert, but right now I am living more like a hermit. I do really want to work on finding some inexpensive and creative ways for us to get out a bit more. Especially since it’s spring and summer. It’s kind of silly, but I want a TAN this year…on both arms. Usually, the only arm that tans is the one closest to the car window…and it’s a noticeable difference. Seriously…If I hold my hands up together in the summer you can see a visible difference between my left and right arms and then there are my poor legs.
Also, my hand is not freakishly large. I can’t palm basketballs. I promise.
I would really love some help getting those wheels rolling. If anyone has any ideas or tips, I would love to hear them. Keep in mind, I do have a full-time job too, so balancing all of it, get really hectic. Simple is better for me!