I have a dirty little secret to tell you. Are you ready?
I grocery shop while other people are in church. *GASP*
I absolutely despise grocery shopping. Ironically, I don’t mind the prep work like coupon clipping and surfing sale ads beforehand. I’m fantastic at making my shopping list and having everything ready to go OCD style. But, I LOATHE actually shopping.
I have to drag myself kicking and screaming out of the door each and every time we need food or supplies in this house. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had to do a quick run into a store for something else because I just cannot force myself to get out and do a full grocery run. Luckily, my husband is more than willing to do the quick pop in and out shopping when I can’t manage the big shops.
I’m not even really sure when this all started for me. I know as I have gotten older I have issues with large crowds. I don’t want anyone I don’t know within my 5 foot circle of happiness. Get away strangers! Scoot!
I really REALLY don’t want to hear your child having an ear rattling meltdown while I am trying to keep track of things I need. I’m not a baby hater, I swear, but baby meltdowns are like nails on a chalkboard to me. I know most parents can’t help it and sometimes kids are just little boogerheads, but when a meltdown occurs I just want to grab the parents by the collar of their clothes and yell “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT IT UP!!!!!” This is probably why I’m infertile. It keeps me from a straitjacket.
The ebb and flow of traffic in the stores make me insane as well. I’m a firm believer that grocery stores need lanes and stop lights in them. We don’t drive on the left in America people! The potential head-on collisions of a grocery store give me shopping cart road rage. I CAN’T HELP IT!
And you…Mr. or Mrs. Sunday driver who is out for your 20 mph drive…ie walking through the store so slowly a snail could pass you while you peruse all the new merchandise or stand in front of the one spot I need for 10 minutes straight…One day *shakes fist* One day, you WILL BE MINE. Gladiator arena style.
The lines. I’m a fairly patient person…except in the grocery checkout line. Maybe it’s just because I am so OCD about getting ready for shopping that I’m ready at checkout. I pull coupons out of my binder AS I GO, so I can immediately grab the coupons for the things I have purchased. I shop by zone so my cold stuff is together, my canned goods are together and I place my items on the belt that way. I know when I get home all my cold stuff will be in the same bags and vice versa. So, when you’re standing there, slowly digging through everything in your shopping cart and trying to arrange things all while digging through your purse looking for coupons and checkbooks and debit cards, I am in line behind you rolling my eyes and getting more annoyed by the second. Don’t even let me see you with a WIC card. I’ll move lanes. It’s not because I hate you for getting help. It’s not because I think less of you in any way. It’s because I have NEVER been behind a person in line using a WIC card who had the right damn kind of cheese on the first go. I’ve been stuck behind the “Oh, Honey please go get the right *insert random WIC item here* because I grabbed the wrong kind” far too many times.
I decided what I need to help the most with my shopping insanity is peace and quiet. I need to be able to focus and powershop or peruse and look for good deals. I need to not be surrounded by towers of cardboard boxes and stockers. I need to feel peaceful and at ease when I shop. I tried the late night shopping (total fail). I will never do early morning shopping because…sunlight at 6 am is evil. So, I spent some time thinking about it. I live in a town with a population of 16,000 in the South! THE SOUTH! Church! People go to Church on Sundays. People go to church on Sundays FOR HOURS. I tried it and finally found the peace I needed to get my shopping finished. There is barely anyone else even in the store. I can find a parking spot! I can shop in relative quiet. The sale items are there! There are no babies screaming! There might be one person in line ahead of me. It was instant stress relief. It was my own church!
So today, I’m going shopping without the gladiator arena, without the screaming babies, without my OCD making my eyes twitch. Only today, I’m going during the Superbowl, because in the South, we can’t miss a football game on TV can we? SUCKERS!!!
Does grocery shopping make you crazy too?