Yeast Infections- Watch out men! Non-fun Girl Bits Talk incoming.

11 Comments

There is just something plain wrong and rude about Doctors.  You go to see a Doctor because you’re sick right?  Something is wrong.  Let’s just say…because it is ABSOLUTELY NOT what happened to me…that you have been feeling unusually crappy for several months.  You’re tired all the time.  Your sinuses are bleeding, or so blocked up with snot you can’t breathe unless you blow mucus out through your ears to relieve pressure.  (Because we all know that when you’re like this and you blow into a tissue NOTHING COMES OUT!!!)  So, what do you do?

You call your friendly Primary Care Physician and ask for antibiotics for the sinus infection you know you have.  You get the prescription filled and a few days later you are all OMG THANK YOU I FEEL HUMAN AGAIN.

Then it happens.  You’re calmly sitting at work one day (and again this totally did not happen to me) and you get an itch.  You know…AN ITCH.  THERE.  In your girl bits.  Then you know it and you have a moment of silent cursing because it’s there.  YEAST INFECTION.  Thank you doctor for giving me something to take care of that in advance.  How I love you.  Especially when you specifically ask for something AS MILD AS POSSIBLE because antibiotics always cause havoc in your nether-regions. (This story is completely simulated and DID not happen to me!!!)

Unlike men who can walk around all day and adjust themselves or scratch in public, we women have to be a bit more discreet.  For those of you women out there, here are some tips I have picked up on solving this itch problem.

1.  Obviously get medication ASAP to start treating said infection.  Hope your Doc was nice enough to call in the pill form for you.  If not prepare to have leekage for at least 3 days.  Also hope this didn’t happen while you were already bleeding, or prepare to take out stock in the cotton market.

2.  Learn to do your kegels.  Sometimes a well placed kegel exercise will suffice as well as a good scratch.

3.  Learn to cross your legs and use your thighs to scratch that itch.  Hope your thighs aren’t too fat for this. /sigh

4.  Go to the bathroom in a public place with cheap crappy toilet paper.  Use it like sandpaper and scratch the ever living hell out of it all the while moaning OH GAWD YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS in the stall.  Laugh when it freaks everyone else out and they run away.

5.  Set your pubic hair on fire.  Hope that the burns are less annoying that the stupid, evil, never-ending itch.  If they aren’t, look at the bright side.  You won’t have to shave for a few days.

6. Eat Yogurt.  YEAH YEAH everyone says that.  However, to me eating yogurt is the equivalent of eating a bucket of snot, and if I am going to do that, I would rather eat the snot since I would be taking the antibiotics that would clear up a sinus infection anyway.  Please just give me a bucket full of day old fish water to drink.  It’s the same in my world.

*This is a public service announcement from me who has NEVER suffered from this in her life.  Please do not really set your pubic hair on fire.  While I would find it quite humorous, I don’t think anyone else would.  But then, I’m sick and twisted that way.  Oh and not that I would condone it at all, but if you are stupid enough to set your pubic hair on fire, please video it and put it on YouTube so the rest of us can laugh at you on a regular basis.  Think of the glory you would have as the “Pubic Hair Torch Person”  That is all.

Advertisements

Author: Jill Stewart

I am a 37 -year-old woman from Arkansas who is happily married to a Scottish immigrant aka “the hubby” “the hubs” or if I am calling him directly “YO YOU!” We’ve been married for 3 years and it’s been a crazy ride, and unfortunately our finances have been beat to death in the last few years. We have two dogs and a cat, no kids. The Blog- What’ll you find: Financial Information as we try to become debt free My attempts at working and trying to maintain a home to the standards I like My adventures in learning how to sew Arts and craft projects Funny tidbits from my life including living with a Scottish person, the dogs, and other oddball things that happen to me. What you won’t find: Much on children. I don’t have kids and I can’t have kids. Recipes- I don’t mind cooking, but unless it’s something really special, don’t come here looking for the weekly recipe! You won’t find it- unless you ask my husband. If you’re interested in what you see, please follow me on Facebook or sign up for emails! Most of all, leave a comment or ask a question! I am always happy to hear from you!

11 thoughts on “Yeast Infections- Watch out men! Non-fun Girl Bits Talk incoming.

  1. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!Okay, I have GOT to stop rec’ing things today.

  2. So hilarious – and so true (or so I’ve heard…ahem)!

  3. You are NOT supposed to eat the yogurt honey, you are supposed to ‘smear it’.And this is why I don’t go to doctors.Funny gurl, how you doing?x

  4. @radicalramblings – Hey a girl has to do what a girl has to do right?@ZombieMom_Speaks – Heh!  Not ever happened to you either eh?@wherever_we_go – I’ve actually heard both.  The bacteria in it helps balance you internally and externally.  However, if I already have stuff gouging out of me all day I am NOT ADDING YOGURT.  I’m doing great.  You?

  5. @Southernlass – lol well it does actually work… and is quite soothing as well. I am awful today actually, fighting off a sore throat and the flu, but hey, where still living so every things okay!

  6. DUDE! Im at work but one, I can totally relate and two you’re awsome.Here are somethings that will keep me laughing for the next week:1. Girl Bits2. Hope your thighs aren’t too fat for this. /sigh  LOOL3. EVERYTHING STATED ON 4 AND 5.*looks over shoulder* got to get back to work!!1tears!

  7. Oh my. I’ve never heard the yogurt one. Rec’d because your so unbelievably funny

  8. @wherever_we_go – Awww hope you are feeling better!@cognoscere9 – I am glad you enjoyed the read!  Nice to have someone else relate.@lizheartshakespeare – WHy thank you dah-ling!

  9. Your still funny but that was over the top..lol..still crying…dear lord..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s