How to be a redneck


I’ve never developed a particular taste for beer or wine.  Some people think it is a horrid thing that I have been unable to develop a taste for those beverages.  I am willing to admit when it comes to my liquor consumption I either drink like a man or like the most frou-frou girl on the planet.  Translation:  I drink what I call “bitch beer” or I drink hard liquor.  Bitch beer is liquor of the wine cooler variety and by hard liquor I usually means Appleton’s rum with Dr. Pepper.

However, there are other people in my life who have developed a taste for wine, and that becomes a problem in my house.  You see…I don’t have corkscrews.  Well, I did have a corkscrew, but a certain redhead borrowed it, then broke it, and then I didn’t have a corkscrew again.

When you happen to have said red head come over with a bottle of wine and there is no cork screw you must make certain exceptions to allow that person to open her wine bottles.

How to be a redneck1

Yeah, that’s a drill.  My NEW drill that my Dad and Grandpa sent to me so that I would have tools to fix the house.  TO FIX THE HOUSE, not as a corkscrew.

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But some certain redhead I know REALLY wanted into that bottle of wine.  She begged and pleaded.  She actually made me get the drill.

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And then we actually used it to open a bottle of wine….twice.  Since then she bought a new corkscrew for me, but we will always know that in a pinch we can go all redneck and get the power tools.

Author: Jill Stewart

I am a 37 -year-old woman from Arkansas who is happily married to a Scottish immigrant aka “the hubby” “the hubs” or if I am calling him directly “YO YOU!” We’ve been married for 3 years and it’s been a crazy ride, and unfortunately our finances have been beat to death in the last few years. We have two dogs and a cat, no kids. The Blog- What’ll you find: Financial Information as we try to become debt free My attempts at working and trying to maintain a home to the standards I like My adventures in learning how to sew Arts and craft projects Funny tidbits from my life including living with a Scottish person, the dogs, and other oddball things that happen to me. What you won’t find: Much on children. I don’t have kids and I can’t have kids. Recipes- I don’t mind cooking, but unless it’s something really special, don’t come here looking for the weekly recipe! You won’t find it- unless you ask my husband. If you’re interested in what you see, please follow me on Facebook or sign up for emails! Most of all, leave a comment or ask a question! I am always happy to hear from you!

17 thoughts on “How to be a redneck

  1. THAT, my friend is classic. And very classy to boot. Thanks for the laugh. And because I believe everybody and his brother needs to see that at some point in their lives, I am going to rec this. Enjoy!

  2. Extra redneck points if you use duct tape as a grip next time.Trust me, it works!

  3. @lizheartshakespeare – Of course it’s classy!  Jeff Foxworthy would be so proud!@democrab – I thought inner thighs as a grip was the only way to go!

  4. very cute and funny pics and video

  5. @Southernlass – HA! I didn’t even think of that. You should find his website and submit it for one of his “you might be a redneck” jokes. I would absolutely die laughing if he used it…

  6. @CdllcEnthus – Thank you much!@lizheartshakespeare – He would have to pay me for it! 😉

  7. @Southernlass – Ha! True. I would comment more, but I must go deal with insensitive twits…

  8. Thank God they don’t let such women loose with high calibre weapons.. Oh…. wait!!!

  9. lol she must be loving that.Nice to see you around.x

  10. ROTF! Hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do!

  11. HA! That redhead is very special. 😀

  12. Let me just tell you I am dying laughing!  That wine was so yummy and I have NO regrets!  OMG…I think I am going to piss myself….but thank you for making me famous!  Are you proud of what you contributed to!? HAHA

  13. roflmao!  too funny!  I have got to try that on my hubby.  I’m betting money he would do it!

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