My Archnemesis revealed…

53 Comments

I am not a person who enjoys horror movies, mostly because I find them quite hilarious.  Oh…you ran up the stairs instead of out of the house and now you’ve been gutted?  Smooth move idiot.  Thank you for dying before you could breed.  That is what natural selection is all about.  I digress, few things in this world truly scare me.

Garden Gnomes

gnome

They are freaky and most of the time they have some maniacal grin on their faces that makes you think they will sneak into your bedroom at night and kill you.  They have hammers and pickaxes for crying out loud, it’s a little scary.  There are no garden gnomes in my yard, but there is a collection of fairies.

But, the big one, the thing that honestly scares the ever living shit out of me is the wolf spider.

mamawolf

Do you see that?  The dang things carry their babies around on their backs.  (*starts itching all over just from looking at the photo*)  YUCK YUCK YUCK.  There is a good reason for this fear, and I am going to share that trauma with you.

Picture this scene.  A 3 year old little girl, with her brown curly hair in pigtails.  She’s riding her tricycle around in the house, and there is a sudden movement on the floor.  The little girl sees a BIG spider.  She knows her mom doesn’t like spiders, so like any good 3 year old who wants to protect her mother, what does she do?  She runs over it with her tricycle.  Then all hell breaks loose.

It would seem at the age of 3 I ran over a wolf spider.  That means the babies were not too happy about their mother getting her ass squished by a tricycle, and they panicked and ran off of her.  It looked like someone spilled a pepper shaker on the living room floor.  If memory serves me correctly, I am pretty sure I literally screamed, ran, and climbed UP my mother’s leg.

Fast forward 22 years.  I am on Drunk Neighbor Dave’s carport hanging out and talking with a few mutual buddies of ours.  I am actually telling them this story about my 3 year old spider sadism when I see a spider tattoo on Dave’s ankle.  I looked at him and asked if he let the kids put a temporary tattoo on him.  He looked at me like I was stupid and then freaked out when I pointed to the LIVE spider on his leg.

I would have just laughed that one off, except someone found it amusing to hit the spider with a thrown shoe.  Guess what happened?

I am sure no one has ever seen a fat chick run that fast across the street, into her house, who refused to come back over again.

I get PWNED by spiders!

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Author: Jill Stewart

I am a 37 -year-old woman from Arkansas who is happily married to a Scottish immigrant aka “the hubby” “the hubs” or if I am calling him directly “YO YOU!” We’ve been married for 3 years and it’s been a crazy ride, and unfortunately our finances have been beat to death in the last few years. We have two dogs and a cat, no kids. The Blog- What’ll you find: Financial Information as we try to become debt free My attempts at working and trying to maintain a home to the standards I like My adventures in learning how to sew Arts and craft projects Funny tidbits from my life including living with a Scottish person, the dogs, and other oddball things that happen to me. What you won’t find: Much on children. I don’t have kids and I can’t have kids. Recipes- I don’t mind cooking, but unless it’s something really special, don’t come here looking for the weekly recipe! You won’t find it- unless you ask my husband. If you’re interested in what you see, please follow me on Facebook or sign up for emails! Most of all, leave a comment or ask a question! I am always happy to hear from you!

53 thoughts on “My Archnemesis revealed…

  1. @MamaInkWench – I am not sure which one would be better though for keeping the babies from scattering…Squishing apparently causes the scatter!@chinchujin – yuck yuck yuck.@UnknownShopaholic – Jumping spiders…that would be it.  I would lose it.  I usually point the spiders out to my cats and they are more than happy to take care of them!

  2. I am terrified of snakes and spiders.  I am also afraid of high places.  lol. As for horror movies, I love them and I enjoy watching them.  pretty much because of the idiots that run up the stairs instead of out the door. it’s priceless

  3. That is one truly nasty-looking spider. Yuck.

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