How to horrify a man


It was lunchtime my senior year of high school.  Our band clique was sitting around the lunch table chit chatting after we finished eating.  You know how that went, even in small town Arkansas, we all had certain tables where the various groups of people hung out.  Ironically, the band kids were the only ones friendly enough to have the “leftover” kids with us too.

I don’t remember why, I really don’t remember why we started this conversation at lunch, but apparently the guys of our group were curious about periods, and I don’t mean the grammatical kind.  The girls were patiently looking at the guys and taking turns answering the questions.  I however, managed to put it all to a screeching halt, and I am pretty sure I traumatized a few men in the process.

My best friend Dustin, was sitting there.  Dustin, thin little Dustin who sings all the time and loves life, who was completely clueless about women.

Dustin:  Can you feel it when it is actually coming out of you?!!!!

Me:  (Dead serious look on my face.  I never cracked a grin)  Only when you fart at the same time and it bubbles.

The look of utter horror on his face was priceless.  If I could have bottled it and kept that look for whenever I needed a new laugh I would have it with me all the time.  Priceless.  The guys scattered after that and we girls sat there laughing until we couldn’t breathe.

Author: Jill Stewart

I am a 37 -year-old woman from Arkansas who is happily married to a Scottish immigrant aka “the hubby” “the hubs” or if I am calling him directly “YO YOU!” We’ve been married for 3 years and it’s been a crazy ride, and unfortunately our finances have been beat to death in the last few years. We have two dogs and a cat, no kids. The Blog- What’ll you find: Financial Information as we try to become debt free My attempts at working and trying to maintain a home to the standards I like My adventures in learning how to sew Arts and craft projects Funny tidbits from my life including living with a Scottish person, the dogs, and other oddball things that happen to me. What you won’t find: Much on children. I don’t have kids and I can’t have kids. Recipes- I don’t mind cooking, but unless it’s something really special, don’t come here looking for the weekly recipe! You won’t find it- unless you ask my husband. If you’re interested in what you see, please follow me on Facebook or sign up for emails! Most of all, leave a comment or ask a question! I am always happy to hear from you!

165 thoughts on “How to horrify a man

  1. say you were a transexual turned one way or the other and thats how you freak him out haha

  2. oh wow! five points for you for saying that! i’m still laughing 😀

  3. hahahaha that’s great, good job

  4. That’s awful!…..but genius. I’ll keep that in mind.

  5. omg!!! thats fricken hilarious!!! omgshies!

  6. hahaha!!! that’s the most amusing thing i’ve read/heard in a while…awesome.

  7. OH MY GOSH! my cousin told me to read this and now I know why, this def made me laugh. and yes I think you did traumatize those poor boys

  8. How did I miss this???? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I bet he looked like this. Priceless.And men… it’s TRUE.MUAHAHAHAHA

  9. Okay now…I have read some funny stuff on Xanga, but this has got to be the funniest! I laughed and laughed and laughed and then laughed some more! And I’m still laughing. That was the best!!!!! And every woman knows what you’re talking about. Have a great day!

  10. @jazzykitten87 – YAY!!!@linhthy – Meh, they deserved getting traumatized for bringing up gross stuff at lunch!@squeakysoul – Prolly because you have been on your big long break. 😦  I miss Squeaky. 😦@iknowHimdou – You know, I was totally not going to admit that this can really happen…but lots of women have confirmed it lately, so I feel better knowing I am not the only freak who has had it happen!

  11. hahaha, you scarred him for life!

  12. I can’t stop laughing! Thats priceless.

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