Not everyone in this world can be a dooce or a Pioneer Woman . We all can’t be the famous blogger I am sure some of us would like to be. We can’t all sit at home and solely rely on income from our blogs to support our family financially. I don’t begrudge the people who do make money, I am happy that they can make money by doing something they love.
I personally have gone through times in my life when I let what people said or did on the internet effect me. I mean, honestly, there were real people behind those words, and so they must have meant every single thing they said or did right? If a particular person was an asshole online, then he must be an asshole in real life and not worth my time….right? If someone didn’t comment on a post, there might have been a few times it hurt my feelings. If someone commented on a post I didn’t think was that great, I would stare at it and wonder if the person just felt sorry for me and posted something, or if I missed my own amazing ability to impress someone with something so small…*cough*
I censored myself for so long, that I actually felt smothered a bit on Xanga. I felt like I couldn’t let it out or say what I had to say because someone somewhere I might know, could possibly maybe read it, and then I would have to deal with the fall out from there. Then I woke up one day told myself I didn’t give a crap what anyone else thought and started writing what I wanted to write. I had my (well, what I think is funny) funny moments. I had my whole WAH WAH WAH embarrassing emo moments over fertility issues. I talked about my family here and there, and things other Xangans have done. I talked about Xanga.
Guess what? Everyone didn’t hate me. Some people thought I was funny, some think I am nuts, and some people think I am a crazy bitch! Some people subscribed and some even went so far as to send a friend invite, which I happily accepted! I have even received a few personal messages from people who thanked me for a post I made on a certain day because of how it effected them. (That was an honor) I am OK with all of those things. Why?
I am not here for them, although I enjoy and like the people who come here…I am not here to dominate the featured weblogs or photos, although it is an honor when I make it. I am not here to worry that every single person who might think about wanting to maybe think about clicking on my link is going to like everything I have to say. I am here for me, and the things I enjoy like writing, photography, and meeting new people.
I hope I don’t lose site of the fact that this is for me, and that I frequently remind myself how I am lucky that people I know in the real world and online happen to stop by at all. That it is not important if I have 3,000+ hits per week, or that every person leave a comment, but that I try to answer everyone who does. I hope years from now, I will remember that I wrote this, and still be thankful that anyone stops by to read the weird stuff I come up with. I hope I will remember that the time others have given me here, whether it is once a day, or once ever, was a gift, because they didn’t have to come by at all.