A Letter to Yourself

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Dear Jill,

I know you have a motto of no regrets in life.  Everything you have done and will do is for a reason in your mind and has lessons you must learn.  Although you don’t regret any of these things, there are things you could have done better.

Your little brother pestered you because he loved you.  He wanted to be around you all the time, and you would have been closer sooner in life had you stopped dragging him out of your room and shutting the door.  You know how much you adore him now, and think of how much longer you could have adored him had you been a little more patient.  Now I see what you should have seen, and it was just how much he loved you.

Try to understand your step siblings a little more.  You were thrown into their lives in much the same way they were thrown into yours.  Instead of getting mad at the things they got away with that you didn’t try to understand that maybe they are different and had different needs.  They are not you and you are not them, your morals won’t always match, but staying angry at them for years doesn’t help you at all.

Tell your Dad immediately how much it hurt your feelings when he brought your mother and step sister flowers, and didn’t bring you any.  Holding on to that for months doesn’t fix the problem.  Forgive him for the few times he wasn’t the perfect parent.  I know you think your parents are godlike, but they make mistakes too.

When you meet Jeff, and you have your first serious relationship really appreciate the things you can learn from each other.  He will be in your life for a long time, and even though it won’t be permanent, try to end things in the best way possible.  Oh, and when he wants to spray your Abu the monkey from Aladdin with his bottle of Eternity before you get into a cramped van on the way to Florida, don’t let him do it.  Yes, it smells great on him, but 17+ hours of cologne in your face all of the trip was a little overwhelming for everyone.

When you are dating Dennis and you have that big fight in the McDonald’s parking lot, and he raises his hand to you, IT IS the best time to take off his class ring and peg him between the eyes with it.  He deserved it.  You should have whacked him with it and called it quits right then.  However, you did a damn fine job of standing up for yourself and not letting him hit you.

When you meet Nick and your relationship goes bad, and oh it will go bad, do yourself a big favor and ask him “why?”.  Find out at the age of eighteen why he was such a cheating bastard, and you won’t let it effect you for the next few years to come.

I would say make sure you send your college loan papers back in time, but that would have changed the person who is writing this to you.  Instead I will say try a little harder at college to make some new friends.  Reach out of the box and don’t only do what’s comfortable.  Stick up for yourself earlier when you have roommates.  It’s not your job to support them.

When you meet your future husband, make sure he understands the things about you that are most important even if you don’t do them all the time.  Make sure he knows how important music is to you, and when you concede on participating in his hobbies, make sure he concedes to yours.  Have sex more often.  He shouldn’t have to be the one to initiate it all the time, and don’t spend as much time fussing at him about his dirty clothes in the floor.  Agree to do chores together before you get married, that way if you are both being lazy fine, but if one of you is working, so is the other.  While you are dating make sure he understands how important romance is to you.  Try to be more flexible in things he wants to do, but stick up for what you want too.  Don’t depend on your friends to tell you if you are out of line in your relationship, or if he is out of line.  You know the answers already and if someone else thought you were just being a grumpy, maybe you needed to be grumpy.  When you are sitting in your office, posting on your blog, and eyeballing your divorce packet out of the corner of your eye, forgive him for hurting you and hope he forgives you for hurting him.  You’re both good people who just made a lot of mistakes.

Last, as you move forward in life go out and live it.  You only have a chance once to do something different and something to make yourself happy.  You’ll start smiling more again, and have those true belly hurting laughs like you used to have.  Play with your dogs more because they are devoted to you, and Ontaria probably won’t be around too much longer.  You’ll miss her horribly when she’s gone.

Don’t forget to love.  There are so many people who deserve it.  You’ll only get what you give.  When you have real love in your hands again, remember the lessons you learned the first time, and try even more to be a better person.

Don’t forget to laugh.  You love to laugh and smile, you wasted too much time forgetting to laugh.

Don’t forget to cry.  It’s cleansing and such a good way to feel better once it’s over.

Don’t forget to enjoy the things you love the most, it will make the laughter and the tears come easily.

Don’t forget.  Don’t forget the lessons you have learned and the people who made important differences in your life.  They were there for a reason, whether it was bad or good, but there was something you needed from them and something they needed from you.

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Author: Jill Stewart

I am a 37 -year-old woman from Arkansas who is happily married to a Scottish immigrant aka “the hubby” “the hubs” or if I am calling him directly “YO YOU!” We’ve been married for 3 years and it’s been a crazy ride, and unfortunately our finances have been beat to death in the last few years. We have two dogs and a cat, no kids. The Blog- What’ll you find: Financial Information as we try to become debt free My attempts at working and trying to maintain a home to the standards I like My adventures in learning how to sew Arts and craft projects Funny tidbits from my life including living with a Scottish person, the dogs, and other oddball things that happen to me. What you won’t find: Much on children. I don’t have kids and I can’t have kids. Recipes- I don’t mind cooking, but unless it’s something really special, don’t come here looking for the weekly recipe! You won’t find it- unless you ask my husband. If you’re interested in what you see, please follow me on Facebook or sign up for emails! Most of all, leave a comment or ask a question! I am always happy to hear from you!

13 thoughts on “A Letter to Yourself

  1. You did a really good job! ^_^ I like it a lot. ~Misa

  2. Great entry!  Welcome to the Weekly Writing Challenge and I look forward to your future participation.  

  3. I love the fact that you added the concept of the letter affecting the ‘you’ now.  A bit Butterfly Effect like.Thanks for being so vulnerable and letting us see a glimpse of your soul.x

  4. I enjoyed reading your letter to you. Got to know a bit more about who you are. Seems like you had a life with many learnings.

  5. @DarkAngelKat00 – Thank you and I am glad I saw it on your blog.
    @weekly_writers_challenge – Thank you.  I look forward to doing it again soon! 
    @sarahsD – I used this in a lot of ways to cleanse a lot of hurt that was bothering me this morning for some reason.  It’s hard to let go of some of the things that have effected you in bad ways in the past, and sometimes even more difficult to remember the good things.  Sometimes I think I let people see too much of me, but this time, I needed to get it out.  I am glad you enjoyed it. 🙂

  6. @Zeal4living – I actually try really hard to accept my life’s lessons.  I’ve been wrapped up in some pretty big pity parties before, but as I have gotten older I have discovered that I usually learned something.  It’s why I like to say I don’t regret things, I just learn from them and live with the consequences.

  7. @Southernlass – I’m glad you did too, then! 🙂 

  8. @Southernlass –  I am sure at the end of the day, the cost of vulnerability is worth the healing.

  9. @Southernlass – You did well, I applaud your courage.

  10. It is a wonderful, poignant letter.  The most poignant part is that you now feel that you-then would need all that advice.  “No regrets”??  Are you sure?

  11. @SuSu – Absolutely no regrets.  If I regretted it and could take it back would I be the same person I am now?  No.  Look at it just from this perspective.  If I had sent my student loan papers back, I wouldn’t have met my husband.  I wouldn’t have introduced two friends who got married and had a child.  I wouldn’t have 4 nephews that I love dearly.  I would have missed out on tons of friends and wonderful people.
    I am who I am and every mistake I made, I am sure I could have made a better choice, but it’s made me who I am.  I can’t regret that because overall I consider myself a good person.
    OK, I do regret not whacking Mr. Potentially Abusive in the head with his ring after he raised his fist to me…actually, I regret not laying him out for even thinking about it.  Other than that, no regrets!

  12. Okay, that was amazing!
    You definitely should have layed Dennis out.  I know you could have taken him. 
    You could have asked Nick why, but you and I both know he would have never given you an acceptable answer and you would have still been tormented.  He was worthless and there’s just no excuse. 
    Marriage is hard and I admire you for sticking with it as long as you did.  It’s funny how the dirty clothes in the floor don’t seem so bad in hindsight. 
    Laugh!  I’ll never forget you telling me that I didn’t laugh anymore after I got married.  I know it took me a long time to actually do something about it, but I think that’s when I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. And you know what?  I laugh again now!  And it’s wonderful! 
    It was so great to see you tonight.  I know we haven’t always agreed on everything, but you are one of the best friends I have ever had and I have missed you.
    Let’s both go out and live our lives again and remember the lessons we have learned.  And let’s go have some of those belly hurting laughs and maybe a good cry while we are at it!!

  13. Really liked reading this.

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